Notes

nice article i have read

http://www.gasbag.net/index.php/topic,201.0.html

some funny parts

I got my first insight into this unique relationship when I changed
from being a surgical resident to being an anaesthetic resident. On my
first day I learned the basics from someone who, while unknown in
scientific circles, is regarded highly in the antipodes as an
anaesthetic philosopher. In my first five minutes he taught me the
three fundamentals of anaesthesia.

* “Always check the oxygen supply.”
* “Always identify the patient and the operation.”
* “Hate all surgeons and hate the slow bastards most.”

I confronted the anaesthetic philosopher with this disturbing
information and learnt the next most important lesson.

* “Never tell the surgeon anything. There is nothing he can do and
he will only get in a flap.”
* There were only four things he said to tell surgeon in time of
crisis.
* “Please get the retractor off the heart.”
* “Could you stop a few bleeders and give me time to catch up.”
* “Could you give cardiac massage.”
* “You can stop now – he’s dead.”

There is also a list of great surgical lies which every anaesthetist
will recognise.

* “Put him to sleep, I’ll be down in five minutes.”
* “He is old but he is fit.”
* “You will like her, she’s and old dear.”
* “I haven’t cross matched blood, we don’t need any.”
* “Don’t put a tube down, it’s just a quick snatch.”
* “I’m just going to open, have a look, and close her.”
* “She will die if I do nothing.”
* “I’ll be finished in ten minutes.”
And let surgeons beware when they hear:

* “The blood pressure is 123/72.”
* “The patients is maximally relaxed and won’t breathe for a week
if I give any more.”
* “It’s not cyanosis, it’s just the bloody lighting.”
* “Don’t go away, it will be two minute turn around.”